But, just when it’s tempting think, ahhh, I can relax, they are so fine on their own, heck, if it wasn’t illegal they could even stay home alone, I’m noticing something else. These two very bright, though drastically different young girls need me more than ever and, actually, in a more meaningful way than before. I may not need to tend to their physical, practical needs as much but I need to pay more attention than ever to their hearts and their spirits.
Also, I’m starting to notice that when I ask them about something, they are initially telling me everything is fine because they think that’s what I want to hear. They are beginning to hide their true emotions because they don’t want to upset me. They want to keep everyone happy. And that’s where it starts, right? If they do that with me, they definitely do it with their dad, their teachers, their friends. Looking back I can remember being their age and just wanting to keep everyone happy (and, no, I never quite got over that). I have to say though it took me by surprise to notice them doing the same.
Notice. That’s the operative word for me these days. I realize I need to really put my attention to asking deeper questions and telling them it’s okay to be truly honest. Did you really like that dance class? Yes, it was awesome (unconvincing fake smile on her face). Really? Because you seem a little down. Sigh.. well, actually… no, it was really hard. Okay! That’s honest and I get it and it will get better! And, by the way, it’s okay that things are hard because that’s how we grow but we don’t have to pretend we’re having a great time. We don’t have to make everything okay for everyone else at our own expense. We don’t have to carry it all on our own.
I think it’s a good exercise for us moms to look at ourselves and what we are modeling and ask “what do we really want for our kids?”. Because if they see us martyring ourselves, making ourselves victims to our circumstances, putting everyone and everything else first, they are going to go in one of two directions (in my unprofessional, purely observational opinion). They are going to grow up to be narcissistic jerks because they were the beneficiaries of our martyrdom, or they will be just like us and the cycle will continue. I think we are making progress breaking the cycle, I really do, but there is certainly more work to be done when our 8-year-old girls are already in people pleasing mode. And, trust me, they are modeling what they see.
Just wanted to put that out there – for whatever it’s worth, mostly to remind myself. Now on to some delicious banana bread!
I’ve strayed from the family recipe I used for years and I couldn’t be more pleased. Not only is this easier and faster with fewer ingredients, it actually tastes better.
They sell coconut sugar at Costco now! I really like using it because it has great flavor and might even be slightly less bad for you than regular sugar.
1/2 cup butter, melted and cooled
1 cup coconut sugar OR cane sugar
4 large bananas, very ripe
1 tsp vanilla
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp cinnamon, ground
1/2 tsp nutmeg, ground
chocolate chips or nuts (pecans or walnuts)
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Coat 2 loaf pans with non-stick cooking spray.
In a large mixing bowl, mash bananas then whisk in sugar until well combined.