a few words

It may seem strange to be hearing from me so soon. I am still in a state of shock and disbelief, and I am not ready for much one on one communication. But, as my dear friend said to me a few days ago, there is no guidebook, so I’m making up my own rules, and I feel compelled to share this message with you.

We lost an amazing husband, father, and friend last week. My husband, Bob, passed away tragically and unexpectedly. To say he will be missed is nowhere near sufficient.

I will keep this short, but I want to try and give those of you who knew and loved Bob a little understanding. When someone takes their life, there is a whole other level beyond the grief. I know there are many questions, feelings of guilt and regret, and deep sadness. There can also be a gut-punch fear that if someone as brilliant, witty, and kindhearted as Bob could make such a choice, maybe nothing makes sense.

The truth is, he was very ill, and no one knew just how much pain and suffering he was experiencing. Not even me. In hindsight, it all looks clearer. He hadn’t been himself in a long time. We will never know the exact cause, but his cognitive abilities were declining, and I think it scared the hell out of him. Maybe it had to do with his stroke several years ago, or it could have been caused by another neurological event. Whatever the reason, he was really good at covering it, and it had to be exhausting. For someone once so capable and, I’ll use the word again because it is appropriate, brilliant, to not be able to figure things out and fix things, like he used to, had to be terrifying.

I hope this reaches some of you who may be struggling. People keep telling me to stop worrying about everyone else, but that’s not really in my nature, and it wasn’t in Bob’s either. He would not want anyone suffering because of him. And I cannot bear the thought of anyone thinking this was a selfish act. Everything he did was for his girls and me. We have zero doubt of his love for us and he knew how much he was loved. Put away any guilt, anger, or regret you may be feeling and remember his kindness, dry wit, work ethic, and enthusiasm for life.

For anyone wondering about a service, Ella, Hailey, and I have decided to wait for warmer weather to have a Celebration of Life for Bob, probably late spring.

I will continue to use this platform to communicate. It’s the best way I know to try to reach everyone.

There are no words to convey the depth of gratitude I feel to my family, close friends, our staff, community, and people I have never even met. You have given a wealth of strength, security, and so much love to help my girls and me through this unbearable loss. I am forever humbled and grateful.

Much love to you all.


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14 thoughts on “a few words

  1. Molly, Ella and Hailey
    I can’t even imagine what you’re going through, so I won’t pretend to know. God knows the pain that you 3 are going through. Please know that you have an abundance of love being sent your way. My deepest sympathies. Cherish all of your memories, and share them often! We love you🤗🤗🤗❤❤❤

  2. I’m so sorry! I’m a suicide loss survivor. My boyfriend took his life in 2016. He was 61. Please reach out to me if you need to talk or vent. Listening to Jordan Peterson lectures helped me tremendously. My email sallyhallada@gmail.com. I’m SallyfromtheValley on locals. ❤️ To you and your family. 🙏🏻❤️

  3. Molly, Ella and Hailey~ I’m so extremely sorry for your loss. I pray that you all can find peace in the days ahead. Sending lots of love and healing energy your way. Thank you for sharing Molly. Love you all! 🤍🤍🤍

  4. Molly – I am writing on behalf of those in our cooking club with twins. We are devastated for you. Your blog post was very powerful and beautifully written. Bob was lucky to be married to someone of such compassion and understanding. XXOO Suzanne, Kathy, Carey, Meg, Alix, and Pat

  5. Oh Molly, Ella and Hailey, I am so sorry for the loss of Bob. We will be praying for peace for all of you. Know that you are loved and supported. Thank you for sharing with us. Please reach out if you need anything. Love and hugs.

  6. Molly, I’m so sad to hear about this. Pauly just found out and told me yesterday. You and Bob meant so much to my life and made such a big impression. Please tell you girls their dad’s was a great example of friendship, leadership, business ethics, hard work and so much more.

    1. Thank you, Chris. I will pass on your very kind words to my girls. Please give Pauly my best and thank him for sharing the news. I’m happy to know it’s reaching people like you both, who meant so much to Bob. You held a special place in his heart as the earliest, youngest, and most enthusiastic champion of paintballgear.com, and he always thought the world of you. 🙂

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